Thursday, 25 November 2010

Different for girls

I joined Fetlife. I like it a lot.

It's unexpected, the feeling of those sites. I mentioned before I was on the glorious adultfriendfinder blogging for a while, alt.com too. I even had a paid membership for a while.

And all this whingeing I do, it's absolutely unrelated to those kind of sites. Aside from a couple of notable exceptions, the respect I got on those sites far outweighed that I got on other social networking and.. dare I say... dating sites.

You see, I really want to just be me- say what I want and be as I am in real life. I try but it just doesn't seem possible. I was probably a bit too much "me" on facebook before I was booted off for facebook nipple crime.

I'm just a normal (hmm, maybe not) person with a regular life. Slightly more boring lately. I haven't been painting long, 18 months or so. I'm not great, but I think I'm improving. I'm the art equivalent of a good karaoke singer- not quite laughable but never gonna play the Royal Albert Hall. (Incidentally I'm the karaoke equivalent of one of those Xfactor contestants who seem to be on day release- I'll stick with painting)

The truth is a lot of straight men would rather have a poorly executed painting done by a woman than a great painting done by a man. I've got no problem with that in essence but I don't want to be treated differently. I'd rather lose the business altogether. Which is why I removed myself from some sites and others even say I don't deal with men at all. It makes me really sad, I had no idea when I started that I'd end up in that position.

I'm as uncompetitive in painting as I am in everything else. I like seeing good art done by others, it makes me want to be a better painter. A lot of the time I'm just playing, pushing paint around. Fine art it isn't- I know that.

It's only really on sites like fetlife where I know boundaries are understood. I wonder why that is.

I want to be more honest without it leading to disaster. I sell on Etsy because men don't look on craft sites. In general that is. You see, I did it again. Most of my readers here are men. I like them. Honest. Men here tend to be cerebral and emotionally intelligent enough to just leave the page if they don't like what I'm saying.

It's what happens if I enter into dialogue with men who want paintings done. I stress, this isn't a universal rule and my etsy male customers are always lovely, I'm able to laugh with them and have genuine conversations. This is the part that male artists don't have so they don't know why I feel this way. I know other female painters of nudes get the same treatment, some don't mind, others do.. It's the bit between dialogue and sale. You wouldn't believe how many guys ask for a critique of their naked body or ask for a "date" in this hinterland of transaction.

I'm sorry if you're one of these guys. Please stop reading now.

Do I like looking at naked men?  Lovely muscly gay oiled men? Yes. Boiler repair men with a beer belly? Not so much. Call me shallow but I've seen what men look at left to their own devices- and those girls don't look like me either!!! Not many Susan Boyle lookalikes in the porn industry. I'm more than happy for you to think that I'm a subo doppelganger.

So what am I meant to say at that point? I don't make much money yet, one day I might, who knows?

If I had the knowledge I'd make a poll. Here's all I can think of

1 "wow you look so hot" (lie)

2 "your **** is so big" (sometimes true but indicating interest)

3 "you're not my type, I'm not interested in naked photos of you" (true)

4 "you look alright, if I was your girlfriend/sex partner I'd probably really enjoy seeing you naked" (often true)

5" damn, I don't know what to say. If I express any interest here you will carry on sending me pictures I don't want to see and possibly even start imagining I'm the woman for you. If I say I don't want to see them or you are not attractive to me you will probably not carry on with this transaction" (TRUE)

6 ... avoid the issue.

I can't lie, just can't. I know I'd get more work if I led guys on and pretended to like things I don't. I actually do fancy men. I'm single. I'm female.  But I'm damned if I'm going to flirt for financial gain with men I don't fancy- I'm a painter, not a lap-dancer!

Strop over. Can I just be myself now?

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